Murder, Anyone?

Killing other people is generally frowned upon. However, homicide isn't really as simple as you might think. For example, if you lace your wife's frappuccino with a fatal dose of antifreeze, that's considered murder (as you might have guessed), a criminal act. Even if you think she had it coming.

Of course, if you kill your wife because she's chasing after you with a pickaxe in a latte-fueled rage, that's considered self-defense. No criminal charges. And you can start dating again!

Homicide can even be heroic. In wartime, you can receive a medal for killing people. Simply because they play for the other team.

The point? The moral value we place on a given homicide depends upon the circumstances under which it occurs. Under the Texas Penal Code, we punish people for 5 types:

1. Capital murder- These include: murders committed in the course of another felony (e.g., robbery), killing a police officer or fireman in the line of duty, murder for hire, killing a child under six, and killing a judge. This offense is considered a "capital felony" and the punishment options are twofold: death, or life without parole.

2. Murder- In Texas, there are two sub-categories of murder:

a. "premeditated"- This includes: the intentional killing of another, intending to cause someone serious bodily injury and they end up dying, or engaging in a crime that you should know might end with someone being dead... and someone does (e.g., you rob a liquor store and cop shoots at you and kills an innocent bystander... you're guilty of their murder, even though you didn't pull the trigger!!!). This is a "first degree felony" and the range of punishment is 5 to 99 years, or life, in prison, and up to a $10,000 fine.

b. "heat of passion"- Something occurs that, by most people's standards, would be inclined to REALLY piss you off, and you kill someone before having a chance to calm down (e.g., you catch your wife in bed with a vacuum cleaner salesman, and beat him to death with his Hoover). This is a "second degree felony" and the range of punishment is 2 to 20 years in prison, and up to a $10,000 fine.

3. Manslaughter- This offense arises when you "recklessly" cause the death of another. In other words, you don't intend to kill them, but do something stupid which results in their death. For example, you have horseflies in your apartment, so you think it would be cool to shoot at them with your 9 mm. handgun. One of the bullets goes through the wall and kills your neighbor (who was probably pretty pissed at you for shooting at the wall). As with "heat of passion" murders, this is a "second degree felony" and the range of punishment is 2 to 20 years in prison, and up to a $10,000 fine.

4. Intoxication Manslaughter-If you operate a motor vehicle, boat, or airplane while intoxicated (or, for you carnies out there, assemble an amusement park ride), and, as a result ot that intoxication, somebody dies "by accident or mistake," you're guilty of this offense. As with "heat of passion" and "manslaughter" murders, this is a "second degree felony" and the range of punishment is 2 to 20 years in prison, and up to a $10,000 fine.

5. Criminally negligent homicide- This offense criminalizes accidents. I have a REAL problem with this "crime," and I hope you do too. You're guilty of this if you "negligently" cause someone else's death. Understand, when you're in a car wreck, almost always is it as the result of someone's negligence. If the "negligent party" happens to be you, and someone dies, you could be held responsible under this statute. This is a "state jail felony" and the range of punishment is 180 days to 2 years in the state jail, and up to a $10,000 fine.

So there you have it. Homicide in all its glory, with varying degrees of punishment, contingent upon one's perceived culpability. Or, in the case of self-defense, one's lack thereof. Congratulations. You've now exceeded your recommended daily allowance of lawyer crap.