The ad we'll never have!

NOTE: The previous blog was factual. This one is satirical. There are, of course, a great many laws which, if violated, may land you in prison for a very long time (in addition to harming yourself, others, etc.). What follows is intended to be humorous, and does not constitute legal advice.

You may have heard me talk about the fact that there are no speed limits in TX, and that speed limit signs are merely decorative. It's true. These signs are nothing more than reflective shiny rectangles at the end of metal poles. But here's something you probably don't know. Not only are there no speed limits in Texas. In fact, there are no laws whatsoever.

That's right. Forget everything you've ever heard about not "breaking the law." The next time somebody cuts you off in traffic, feel free to crush their skull with a tire tool at the next stop light, secure in the knowledge that you've done nothing wrong. Are you a drug dealer? No worries. You can sell bathtubs full of meth without thinking twice. And if some SWAT team comes along and kicks in your door, you can smile to yourself as they lead you away, because you know something they don't. In Texas, there are no laws whatsoever.

Now I know what you're thinking. If there are no laws, what's all this fuss about jail. When people ask me this question, I can't help but laugh. After all, if I told you that you could go to a place where they clothe, house, and feed you free of charge, you'd probably think you'd won a trip to some fancy vacation resort. Jail is truly nothing more than a type of collective living arrangement for short-haired men, akin to the hippie communes of the 60's. Ask yourself, have you ever seen a sad hippie?

So the next time you do something that some angry policeman tells you is against the law, smile broadly and say, "Whatever! Take me to one of your short-hair man hippie communes. I've always wanted to learn how to carry things around in my booty suitcase." And remember, if you suddenly decide that you've formed a few more intimate relationships than you'd hoped, have someone who doesn't need to call collect give us a ring. We're Berlof & Newton, P.C. Visit our website at DallasAttorney.com or call us at 214.823.LAWS (even though there aren't any).